Pope Benedict XVI flies off to Castelo Gandolfo late this afternoon, where at 8 pm he will officially become the ex-pontiff. According to reports in the notoriously accurate Italian press, these will be his final acts before leaving the Vatican.
- Pack electric toothbrush.
- Shake the hands of all Vatican butlers who didn’t leak secret documents to the press.
- Hand over “Toes of the Fisherman” slippers to be solemnly destroyed by College of Cardinals.
- Bring in Roberto Benigni to do “me and my shadow” routine one last time in his red shoes.
- Secretly burn the vintage collection of German MAD magazines he’s had hidden under the mattress all these years.
- Open balcony doors to St. Peter’s Square, dash out for three seconds in undershirt, dash back inside.
- Sneak priceless Titian sketch into duffel bag.
- Call George H.W. Bush and ask for the name of his skydiving instructor.
Sounds like a full day. Good luck to him in retirement.
See our full biography of Benedict XVI »