Thanks to Vulture.com for alerting us to Aaron Valdez’s archive of celebrity workout videos.
New York Magazine‘s online Vulture.com has a feature highlighting their favorites from Aaron Valdez’s archive. They call it The Ten Most Jaw-Dropping Celebrity Workout Videos.
There’s a doozy every step of the way. Sexually suggestive camera shots of Angela Lansbury? Comedians like Milton Berle and Joan Rivers jumping into the exciting market of workout videos? An entirely unenthusiastic Martina Navratilova trying to pump you up? Yes, they’re all there, at Valdez’s archive.
The Vulture.com selection is good, it’s true. But Valdez’s archive has other gems, including Mary Tyler Moore:
And Bubba Smith:
And Suzanne Somers (who loves her Buttmaster):
But one of the strangest ones (thanks to hindsight and irony) has to be the O.J. Simpson “Minimum Maintenance Workout.”
As you may recall, O.J. Simpson was acquitted of brutally murdering his wife and some other fellow, back in the 1990s. Lots of people think O.J. really did kill those people, then got away with it (sort of). It was one of the many trials during the 20th century that was called “The Trial of The Century.” As a result, that period of human history is now known as “The Trial of the Century Century.”
So, keeping in mind that O.J. maybe cut his wife’s throat and got blood all over the place, it’s weird to hear him say things like, “we’re just trying to get that blood flowing, okay?” or “Let’s get some of that tension out of your neck.”
Even weirder is the way O.J. talks about “the stresses in my life, like traveling, living in hotels and not getting enough sleep.” Hey, brother, we’ve all been there, right? Living in hotels? When you have a lovely mansion back home? What a drag! And stressful!
“When I’m angry, or have a little too much stress,” O.J. says, “I have a little trick.” O.J. Simpson then explains that you should “imagine you’re at some favorite vacation spot. Try to fantasize a little bit. Think about the past, something that brought you joy.”
Okay, that’s cool. So where does O.J. go in his mind during this fantasy that brings him joy? “I think of Mt. St. Helens,” he says. “I think of the explosion, and all that energy building up, and I think of it exploding.”
Really? You think of Mt. St. Helens exploding as a way to relax?
It was only a video clip, and I still felt like easing myself out of the room backwards, saying, “Uh… okay, I’ll just be… right… back… maybe.”
So, yeah… great stuff.
By the way, Aaron Valdez was the editor behind the amazing feat Star Wars Uncut: The Director’s Cut.